Math? Oh, great(Ethan)

[Ivanka Udinov]

Math. How I dreaded going to this class. I was never any good at it, why they still tried to hammer all these numbers into my head i'll never understand but it was necessary and I was never one to complain. Had it not been for my respect toward just about everyone I met I would have been screaming at half the people who tried so hard to help me understand math and what all those damn numbers mean. But, I couldn't be mean. I was never much of a cruel person, though I knew how to be mean and I knew that I could be mean if I truly wanted to, I just couldnt bring myself to do so.

I had far too much respect for the people I see in my everyday life. And far too much respect for myself to allow such behavior.

I sighed a bit, barely able to keep myself from zoning out. My eyes stared blankly into a spot on the wall where the pain was chipped. Not much for anyone else to notice but i'd been staring so long and hard at this wall I could probably count how many spots of chipped paint there was on this wall...My eyes stayed focused on the wall until it was time to get out of this god forsaken class.
Quickly I jumped to my feet, straightening my pencil skirt as I did and ran a hand through my blond curls before finally blinking my eyes and tearing them away from the wall as I made my way out into the halls.

Immediately my eyes searched up and down the halls for Ethan, hoping to catch even the smallest glimpse of him. I hadnt seen him much today, i'd been so busy...It was with a heavy sigh I realized I might have to wait until later to see him or I could wait right here in this very spot and wait until he showed up. He was bound to come down the halls sooner or later, right? I just hoped it would be sooner.

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: Hola chica

[Ethan Wate]

Having eyes on you as you walk with the one you like, never a fun thing. Especially when most are glaring at you. My talk with Nate this weekend helped a bit at my courage with asking Ivanka out, though I still had butterflies. I still wasn't sure she even liked me the way I liked her: A lot more than a friend. The best of us could find happiness in misery. A lyric that I liked to think of the most, besides her. Those blue eyes, eyes that could pierce through my soul, and know everything I'm thinking, except those thoughts that I keep hidden when I'm around her.

Nate was right, she did seem to attach to me at times. We needed more guy time alone. I couldn't help it when she's around me, I feel stronger, ready to take on anything, even if that includes sacrificing my life to save hers. The motto of them coming first was drilled into my mind, mine was backed up by feelings though. Powered by an emotion no one could deny. I've never liked any girl as much as I loved her. The first thing that drew me to her was those eyes.

Those eyes held memories that haunted her past. I can still clearly remember that day, her first day of this school. We became best friends. Little did I know that friendship would develop into something more... romantic. My heart pounds whenever I see her now. Even my super hearing could pick up the way it beats faster right as I place my eyes on her. Those lips, so full and soft, wondering what it feels like to have them against mine...

The bell snapped me out of my thoughts. I hadn't realized the teacher was writing notes on the board. I thanked heaven I choose a seat in the back, or I would have been caught for sure. Gathering my stuff quickly, I was out the door in mere seconds. I didn't even wait to walk out with Nate, who was probably laughing at me right now.

I made my way down the hall, picking up speed, dodging the oncoming traffic, before spotting her. My heart raced as I caught a glimpse of those blue eyes. I slowed, still walking fast, and did that guardian looking without looking thing. As I made my way to the wall, I walked along it, smiling as I met her at the door. "Hey." I grinned foolishly, rubbing the back of my neck a bit. The first day back from the weekend finally ended. I only had a couple classes with her, and this last one I always hated, cause I was away from her.

I started to walk with her, tempted to take her hand, walking her over to her locker. "So... how was calculus?" I asked, noting the look on her face as she left the classroom. I leaned against it, backpack slung over my right shoulder.

words: 518
muse: great
clothes: click
listening to: I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy (great song! brightens anyone's day.)
notes: can't wait to see what happens lol

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[Ivanka Udinov]

I was always a patient person but the one time I was never patient, the one time I did not want to wait was when time seemed to go slow. Those last few seconds was torturous, waiting for him to walk down the halls...I tapped my shoe lightly against the ground, once again focusing my eyes on the wall in front of me as I brought my hand up to my face, biting slightly on my fingernail. No, I wasnt nervous. Biting my fingernails was a bit of a habit that I had developed everytime I waited for Ethan.

I knew that the minute he showed up, I would be happy and I would smile. He'd ask how my day was or how my class was and I would smile awkwardly, at a loss for what to see but then after a moment of awkward silence I would finally be able to muster up an answer...as lame as the answer would be, I would still answer.

Thinking was always my biggest distraction, well...thinking about him was my biggest distraction. His eyes, the way he smiled when he was around me...it seemed he was all I ever really thought about. He was the best thign that ever happened to me...my mom didnt want me, my so called adoptive mom thought of me as bad luck. Sometimes I felt like I was cursed, like I only brought pain or sadness to the people I cared about. I would never be happy, it was best to face the music and accept it. No matter how sad or upsetting it was, I knew it was true and it didnt bother me. I was happy with what I had, perfectly content with my life.

I had friends, but most of all I had Ethan.

My eyes lit up as I heard his voice and I immediately looked up and away from the wall, smiling brightly "Ethan, hi." I greeted, running a hand through my hair. I realized then just how much I had missed him.
Then there it was, the question I knew was coming. It was just as I had thought it'd be asked...he said hi and then asked how class was It was math...I was bored out of my mind...I missed you. I thought but smiled up at him again and half shrugged "It was fine, I guess. I wasnt really paying attention though. I was more focused on the wall for some reason... How was class for you? Boring?...Did ya miss me?" she half smiled, teasing him a bit with the last question and smirked as I awaited my answer.

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: OMG, I know...I cant wait either!

[Ethan Wate]

Smiles, they've always been so kind. Some may be forced, some pulled out at an ackward moment, unable to say anything else. Some were even flirtty, some sad as if they've got sadness on their mind, but are trying to hide it best they could. Still, a smile was a smile, fake or not. This beautiful smile I was looking at was both dazzling and ackward. She was thinking about me. Most only got this smile when they've been caught thinking about the one they smile at. It caused a smile to appear on my face, hoping my cheeks never gave me away.

The way her lips formed over her teeth, carefully hiding the fangs I knew were underneath. I already knew Moroi don't like to smile showing their teeth, because of their fangs. I happened to like how Iva smiled, it showed her teeth, but at the same time hid that feature about herself. I wouldn't have cared if that's what showed when smiling, she'd always be normal in my book. I shouldn't call her normal, more like unique in every way that made her different than everyone else. She could find happiness in misery. I had not doubt she could find it in every situation. Whether sadness, anger, or complete humiliation.

I used strength from her, using that emotion to make me more powerful. Her face always brightened my day. Would I tell her that, maybe. Right now, while we're only 'friends', probably not. I still couldn't figure out when to ask her out. Just walk up and ask her to be my girl friend, or ask her out on a date... like there was anywhere to go around here in the first place. I considered kissing her first, before saying anything, and seeing what happens from then on. Seeing if it gets better or worse. But then a thought passes through, wondering what the taste of those lips are...

"Ethan, hi."

A grin foolishly replaced my wandering mind. I was sure the more I thought about it, the more it would show on my face, making me look completely stupid and dumbstruck. Your voice makes my heart do crazy things. I heard my voice say in my head, just waiting to be spoken. I couldn't, not yet anyway.

"It was fine, I guess. I wasnt really paying attention though. I was more focused on the wall for some reason... How was class for you? Boring?...Did ya miss me?"

Of coarse I missed you, you make me go crazy every time I see you, sending my heart into a frenzy. My lips wanting to press lightly against yours and kiss you all day long, without a pause. Find love with our bodies pressed together... But I don't say that, only smile, biting my tongue. I shrugged, "Same old, same old." I chuckled a bit, grinning a bit at her 'missing her' comment. "Why wouldn't I? School is so boring when your not around." Students began to grow smaller in this hall. They couldn't wait to get out. Me? I couldn't wait and stay and just to stare in her eyes all day long.

I wasn't kidding when I thought about how her lips would taste. I honestly wish I wasn't such a coward. Taking a breath I placed my hand on her arm, leading her through the halls, using my courage and led her to an area where no one walks. Every student was heading back to their dorms to drop everything off. I only took my backpack off my shoulder, taking her school books and setting them aside as well. Using as much courage I had left, I took a breath, nodding to myself as I looked at her, smiling. "Ivanka, I need to know the truth. How do you feel about me?" I blurted out, wishing I could have broke it down slowly. I wanted to be the first to kiss her, not have her kiss me.

Tag: Ivanka Udinov
Words: 690
Clothes:click
Notes: Can he kiss her first? lol She could be all nervous, not able to speak at first till he kisses her lol

[Ivanka Udinov]

People say a picture was worth a thousand words but I would rather see the real him rather than a picture any day of the week. The real him compared to a picture of him...there really was no comparison, real life 'in the flesh' him would always be better than a picture or a drawing...it was just better, so much better.
His smile, though awkward at times was somethng I enjoyed looking at even if I never had the guts to tell him this. He is nice, one of the nicest people I know and one of the nicest people I would ever know.

I watched him closely, slightly surprised by how happy he was to see me. That or he was just waiting for me to leave again because he'd gotten tired of me and being around me constantly. But, not I couldnt think that. I had to keep positive. Just because I brought misfortune to everyone I cared about didnt mean my entire life would be nothing but bad luck, misfortune and death. There had to be something better out there for me...some kind of happiness, someone who would accept and love me for who I am. A cursed, misfortune bringing dumb blond.

Was it foolish of me to think like this? Maybe, but I couldnt lie to myself anymore than I could run from the truth.

Same old, same old....Why wouldn't I? School is so boring when your not around."


I smiled more at hearing the words that came from his mouth. If there had even been a moment where someone had something completely perfect to me, this would be one of those moments "Hm, boring when im not around? Well, thats nice of you to say. I dont think i'veever heard someone tell that to me before. Now I feel special." I lightened my smile up a bit when I realized i'd been showing too much teeth. It wasn't a very attractive feature to have...Sure, I should be used to it and I was...I mean, they were my teeth but I worried sometimes that maybe he'd find me less attractive or something. Yes, I was being stupid and silly but it was the truth.

I never liked showing my fangs, especially around him. It was just something I always tried to hide.

I opened my mouth to speak only to feel his hand gripping my arm lightly "Ethan, where are we going?" I asked curiously, biting my lip lightly when he took my books from me. I couldnt bring myself to speak again, everytime I opened my mouth I only managed to look more and more ridiculous.
My eyes wandered around the hall for a moment before settling upon his face and I half smiled at him. It was always impossible to hide a smile or to NOT smile around him. He had this aura, this feeling, this personality that was just infectious and made her want to smile and be happy.

The smile faded though when I heard the question he'd asked. My eyes widened slightly and I shook my head, sending blond hair waving all around my face "I...I dont s-see how...it matters..." I stammered, my blue eyes downcast as I fell silent, awkwardly staring at me feet and shifting my feet awkwardly across the floor "Ethan...W-why...why are you- why are you asking me this? I dont...I dont understand why you'd ask that."

I bit my lip,silently staring at my feet. I couldnt bring myself to stare at him nor could I bring myself to answer that question. To tell him the truth, to admit that I had feelings for him would mean to change everything...our friendship wouldnt be a friendship anymore, it would evolve into something much more and honestly, I wasnt sure I could handle that just yet. I wasnt ready to admit I loved him nor was I ready to have this talk with him...the 'do you like me like I like you?' talk...it just didnt feel quite right. This kind of relationship wasnt really one most approved her, especially is I planned on having children one day, which if things worked out with Ethan, I didnt care if I had kids or not.

I just wanted to be with him. To love him forever, to get married and have a happy life...I wanted him. Now and forever

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: lol, sure sure

[Ethan Wate]

The thing about love is, when you find yourself experiencing it, it takes over your whole being. Making you want to hold that person tight against you. Just lay there and hold them in your arms, not allowing them to be separated from you, even if they're forced. I loved her very much, but at times like this, she seems like she wants nothing to do with me. It tears at my heart. Those eyes grow sad sometimes whenever I bring something up by mistake. Then I grow sad, knowing I've upset her. I want to know about everything she's been through. Wanted to let her know she could cry on my shoulder whenever she needed comfort. Let her know I would always be there for her, now and always.

"Ethan, where are we going?"

Seeing the way her face grew worried as I led her somewhere I'm sure she's never been. I was acting on Nate's advice 'taking a chance'. If this got me on her list of people she hated, I would probably end up killing him. I wanted to be the one who loved her, wanted to be the one who would protect her through thick and thin. I wouldn't care what others think about us, wouldn't let those thoughts bother me. I wanted to be with her, holding her hand, kissing her lips gently.

"I...I dont s-see how...it matters..."

I could always get her to smile, hell I can always get her to laugh and have a good time. Right now? I think I've just hurt her. Probably hurt her enough that she doesn't stay away from me. The way she looks at me now, before moving her eyes downward, avoiding mine. Feeling my heart rip in two. Physically feeling it be torn, the way it aches, leaning a scar. I let my eyes wander away, letting my arms drop. I cast mine to somewhere behind her. Watching the other Moroi walk to their dorms.

"Ethan...W-why...why are you- why are you asking me this? I dont...I dont understand why you'd ask that."

My eyes moved to rest on her again, seeing as a breeze blew a strand of hair into her eyes, absentmindedly moving it aside, letting my hand slide down to her chin, lifting it with my finger gently. I looked right into her eyes, searching them for anything, anything at all that showed she loved me. When I found nothing I forced myself to finish this, mustering up any courage I had left. "Because I need to know. Cause I don't want this to screw anything up." I kissed her.

Well, somewhat kissed her. I've kissed girls before in my life, but none that I loved for so long. I let my lips do the talking, letting them kiss her gently before moving closer to her. My body wanting more, but my mind stopping my body and waited till I got a reaction back.

Tag: Ivanka Udinov
Muse: Okay
Clothes: Here
Notes: What's going to happen? lol

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[Ivanka Udinov]

There were times when I thought of Ethan as more than a friend, times when I thought that maybe...Just maybe, we could be something more but those thoughts were always broken down and I was brought back to reality by someone stating the obvious 'those kind of relationships never work. what if you want kids?...then what?' she recalled someone saying once and it hurt...the fact that a relationship with Ethan was thought of as doomed or not even worth trying. It hurt more than any other pain i'd ever felt and I had so much pain in my life that for something so simple as talk and people doubting mine and Ethan's feelings for one another shouldnt have been relevant or even matter at all to me.
It was only talk, it would be smart to ignore it or to say something like 'whatever happens with me and Ethan is just that. Between me and him, it has nothing to do with you or anyone else.' but I couldnt say that. It wasnt me, I couldnt be mean or snotty. I didnt know how...or well, I did know how to be mean I just couldnt be mean. I hated mean. I spent all my life the nice quiet girl that everyone got along with. I knew that having attitude or being a rude person would get me nothing in life.

I followed him down the hallway, not hesitating even for a second. I would follow him anywhere. To the end of the world and back again, I trusted him with my life, my well being...I trusted him with everything I had. There was nothing he could do to break my trust for him because I loved him. More than anything, I loved him...he was amazing, he always made me smile or laugh.

As we stopped walking and I answered his question I could see the disappointment, the pain...I could see how much I hurt him. With just a few words I had managed to break his heart and it killed me to know that I had been the one to cause him so much pain.
His arms dropped from mine and I frowned, biting my lip lightly as I waited for him to speak. I just needed to know that he wasnt mad at my lack of answering his question. I needed to know that I hadnt made him hate me.
I felt my body freeze as his hand moved to my face, brushing my hair to the side "Ethan..." I began speaking but my voice was stuck...I couldnt mange to respond or even muster a single syllable and then, just as he spoke about not messing anyhting up I felt it...his lips on mine.

I froze in place as his lips moved against my own and I hesitated for a second before reciprocating and kissing him back, moving my arms around his neck to hold him there for a few seconds before pulling away, my blue eyes shone brighter as I stared at him "I-Ethan...Yyou said you wanted the truth...the truth is I have been waiting for you to do that since the day we met. I have liked you, no...I've loved you since we met...You are the best thing that has ever happened to me..." I put my hand against his chest, looking up at him and smiled brightly, no longer worried about showing my teeth, he didnt care. He loved me as I was, Fangs and all. I knew he loved me, there was no other reason for him to kiss me so suddenly "Just...say you feel the same?..."

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: lol, sure sure

[Ethan Wate]

The one thing that angered me was when everyone else thought out relationship was for nothing. We couldn't have kids together. That still didn't stop me from thinking about how much I loved her. No one else's words could stop me from kissing her, holding her in my arms till the end of forever. I could smile all day long when I was wish her, letting my emotions run free, my courage always up now when I want to talk to her. My fears never getting in the way of my actions, never causing me to swerve away from how I feel about her. I didn't care whether we could have children or not, all that mattered was being with her, even if that meant we could truly be together and start a family together. I was just glad everything was out, and all... well most tension was out of the way. There was still the fact about sex...

Lust, as some would call it, comes from loving someone so much your heart pounds hard for them. Your heart somehow telling theirs that you can't wait to see them again. Can't wait to let those lips press against yours, the way our hands move with each others. I sometimes wondered how Darya thought about Nate, my best mate. Sure she would probably tell him, not letting fear get in the way, but that was their problem. Mine was partly solves. Smiling to myself, always listening to her voice. A voice which always sent me spinning had over heels, or in this case head over shoes, since I wouldn't be caught dead wearing heels. I scoffed mentally at the sight of me wearing heels.

"Ethan..."

My lips still against hers, I heard her words, surprised and both amused. I smiled to myself, kissing her a little bit deeper, letting the kiss linger, hoping to change her mind, hoping this wouldn't kill my friendship, if we even had one anymore. Choosing to kiss her at this time was a little different. I just had a conversation with Nate about taking a chance, and I did. I took the only chance I had and used it, now I only hoped it got me somewhere. Thinking all hope was lost, until she kissed me back.

"I-Ethan...Yyou said you wanted the truth...the truth is I have been waiting for you to do that since the day we met. I have liked you, no...I've loved you since we met...You are the best thing that has ever happened to me..."

Feeling her arms around my neck, I moved my own down to her waist, sliding down from her face till my hands rested on her hips, pulling her closer to me, just as she pulled me closer to herself. I smiled, slowly kissing her some more before forcing myself to pull away, searching her eyes and finding that hidden love, hearing her lips speak that smooth loving voice. My hand moved her hair back behind her ear again, smiling lovingly at her once more before meeting her eyes, keeping my hand on her face, the other around her waist.

I chuckled a slight bit, seeing her smile, not worried about her fangs. That's all I needed to see, her not worried about anything, not even those fangs. I had no problems with them. Hell I'd probably even let them touch my skin if she was in desperate need of blood. "As your are my best memory. I knew I loved you from the first day we met. The first time I met your beautiful blue eyes, seeing them sparkle when I made your day." I chuckled at the memory, leaning down to kiss her again, letting my lips kiss her eagerly, letting them have what they've been craving all this time. I kissed her deeply, letting the kiss last as long as she wanted. Cause I knew, in my heart, I would spend the rest of my life with her.

Tag: Ivanka Udinov
Muse: Great
Words: 868
Thoughts: Aww, wish that romance could happen with me lol

[Ivanka Udinov]

I had never been kissed, not once. I had never been held quite like this either, the way he held me firmly in his arms yet gentle at the same time. It was a good feeling. I hadnt expected my life to turn out the way it had. I was a sad child growing up and for me to find happiness at such a young age, even if this was a 'forbidden love', it was one of the best things...no, it WAS the best thing in the world.

I moved closer to him, trying hard not to break the kiss but I knew I would have to sooner or later and it pained me. What if he decided he didnt feel anything? or this was a waste of time? What if he kissed me only to find that he doesnt love me?
I tried to hide the pain these thoughts brought on as I focused on the feeling of his hands moving to hold me by my hips. He was pulling me closer to him until our bodies crashed against each other and then he pulled away. I hoped he wouldnt, I needed to feel him, I needed to know that this wasnt a dream, that this was real. I needed him to hold me and assure me that this was reality even if I didnt believe it.

I closed my eyes as he put his hand to my face once more, pushing more hair back and away from my face.

Leaning into his touch for a moment, I smiled more "I dont...I dont understand...i-if you felt like that this whole time, why wait until now to tell me?" I asked, slightly confused but before I got my answer he was kissing me. His lips pressed against mine.
I returned the kiss, deep and passionate as I locked my arms loosely around his neck and brought our bodies closer.
I let the kiss go for a few more seconds before I pulled away, my lips reddened from the kiss "I was hoping you'd do this sooner, I was kinda begining to think you'd never..." I shook my head a bit and half chuckled, kissing him once and again "What made you go through with this?" I asked curiously, wondering if maybe it had something to do with Nate. Those two were practically as inseparable as Ethan and I were...Ethan and Nate were beast friends, Nate was like my brother...I had thought Ethan and I were friends to but now...now it seemed as though we'd crossed that line, that little barrier between friends and somehting else, something more.

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: lol, shut up! It so will happen for you.

[Ethan Wate]

In my life, I've kissed maybe about two or three girls. None of those kisses were quite like this one. It was so full of love and passion. I couldn't bring myself to end it by pulling away. Knowing fully well you needed to breathe if you were to stay alive and kiss them again sometime in life. She was so tender in my arms, giving into anything my body asked of her. I loved her, a lot. More than a lot to be telling the truth. I loved her with every cell and membrane of my body. Hell I loved her with everything I had. She was the first true love I'd ever had. It made every other kiss I've had seem like nothing but a stupid crush, and I've had plenty of those before.

The way her lips felt against mine, the way they practically melted against mine. It was so real, so... right. No ones lips have ever felt this good against mine, causing my body to tingle. Feeling the wind tickle the back of my neck. I smiled a bit, pulling at her lip slightly. This was one of the best moments of my life. Kissing her had made my day, and many days after. It was like falling in love with your soul mate. I do hope it lasts long. I would be devastated if it ended to quickly.

"I dont...I dont understand...i-if you felt like that this whole time, why wait until now to tell me?" -- "I was hoping you'd do this sooner, I was kinda beginning to think you'd never..."

I had pulled away already, leaving my hands around her waist. I grinned a bit, chuckling. "I didn't think it would be right. I didn't know if you felt the same away about me." I answered honestly. I truly wish I would have asked her maybe a year or two ago, but then it wouldn't have cause such a problem. At least by waiting I was able to truly tell if she loved me the same way. In a way, I was glad I waited, it made waiting seem so much better. I got something in the end, and that was good enough for me. I pressed my lips against her's again.

"What made you go through with this?"

I pulled away, pulling at her lip slightly and stared into her eyes, letting my hands twist in her hair. I smiled at her, seeing the happiness in her eyes. "I wish I did sooner, but it was worth the wait. I was beginning to think I wouldn't either." I chuckled a bit, pulling her close to me, wrapping my arms around her, bring her into a tight hug. "And you know I had a little push from Nate." I kept her there, holding her tight, not wanting to let her go, ever. I kissed the top of her head, squeezing my eyes shut as I let my lips linger there, smiling to myself as I rested my head on the top of her's. "I love you." I heard my lips mutter and hugged her tighter.

Tag: Iva
Words: 550
Thoughts: I do hope so! lol Wish love was this romantic sometimes -.- grr lol.

[Ivanka Udinov]

If I had my way, I would have stayed right her, in this moment. Forever because, not being with him or near him, not bieng able to touch him or hug him or kiss him just didnt seem fair. I never wanted to be away from him. Not for a week or a day or an hour or even a single moment. I knew that when we were together and I could feel him standing beside me, I just knew that I was safe, I was protected and for the first time in a long time I was truly loved.
I never really knew love, as a child my mother gave me away after my father died and the family that took me in later gave me away calling me a bad child and saying I brought nothing but misfortune and pain to the people close to me. And I believed them, every word they spoke was the truth. I was a bad person, I didnt deserve any of what was given to me. I didnt deserve the friends i'd made, I didnt deserve to know such amazing people and I didnt deserve someone like Ethan.

He was good and kind, gentle and loving. He made me feel safe but I knew, deep down I knew I didnt deserve him. I knew that I would never be worthy of his love or his acceptance of me as a person.

"I felt this way about you for a very long time, Ethan. I was worried you didnt feel the same way about me as I did about you...guess we both thought wrong." I spoke, half smiling. I wished he had come to me sooner, I wished that we could have had more times like these. We could walk to class together hand in hand, we could kiss in the halls, we could just be together...we could be eachothers loves, eachothers soulmates...the others can stare and gawk and whisper all they want as long as I had Ethan I didnt care what anyone else thought.

I smiled against his lips, kissing back for a moment and bit back a small moan when he pulled at my lip. I looked up at him and smiled lovingly, leaning my head against his shoulder when he hugged me "I've been getting pushes and shoves from Darya. She's been telling me your madly in love with me. I never actually believed her..." I muttered but smiled more as I heard him mutter the three words I had always wanted to hear him say to me. Three simple words...who would have guessed that those words could mean so much and make someone feel so special?

"I love you too..." I replied, raising my head to look at him as he held me in his arms and I kissed him once more before frowning and pulling away from the kiss, shaking my head "I...you dont know about my past, I dont talk about it, not even Darya knows...i-im not good, Ethan..." I began speaking, wincing as I said those words out loud. I had never said this to anyone, I always kept my sadness and my pain to myself. I smiled and I laughed and I said 'im great, its a beautiful day.' when someone asked how I was but I never let the way I truly felt out, I never showed the real me.

"I dont deserve this...You, none of it...im bad for everyone." I pulled myself away from him hesitantly and turned my back to him, hoping to hide my eyes, the bright blue eyes that were now saddened "My um...my dad died when I was a kid...my mother blamed me, siad I was bad luck...she---" I paused, shaking my head. This was what I hated most about reliving my past, talking about my life...it was why I never mentioned it before. I hated how sad and upset it made me. I hated feeling like this, it brought back memories that I thought i'd never have to think about...brought back feelings that I didnt want to feel.

"My mother abandoned me, left me with a caretaker and her family....after my caretakers husband vanished, they sent me here, told me I was nothing but bad news, that I brought only pain and misfortune everywhere I go...they told me I was a bad omen...I believed them..." I hid my sadness with a chuckle as I shook my head "Im sorry...im rambling...just forget it um...I- I dont um...i-im sorry. I dont know why I brought that up, im stupid..."

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: Hun, everyone wishes love was this romantic.

[Ethan Wate]

Family, mine left me when I was just a thirteen year old. No, I didn't miss them, just wish I would have known them a little longer is all. If they had any place in my heart, is was a very small fraction. A fraction of a fraction of my heart. Nothing but a little speck of dust lingering on an old clock, or in my case home. It was never a place of love, only raising and setting off. I'm not even sure if my mother lives there anymore. She could be living in a rich Moroi's house, living it up for all I care. She was a blood whore after all. I shouldn't think about her that way, she did at least try, but not long enough to know how well I am at guarding. She was never even supportive. No letters, no presents for birthdays or even Christmas, nothing. As a child I never expected them from her anyways. It was just how my life was.

It was nothing compared to Ivanka's history of life though. Her father had passed away, her mother leaving her through excuse. Being sent to a close friend of the family, only to be thought of as a bad omen, never to have happiness in her life. Thinking she never really deserved anything in life. What she didn't know was that I would bee there for her through anything. Whenever she needed me, to touch or to hold, I would be there for her, dropping everything I was doing and running over to her. Be there to wrap my arms around her shoulders, allowing her tears to stain my shirts, allowing them to flow. She wasn't over her past, I could tell, could see it in her eyes. Sure she acted happy, but she could never hide it in her eyes, they always shone that sadness, even when they were burning with happiness.

"I felt this way about you for a very long time, Ethan. I was worried you didn't feel the same way about me as I did about you...guess we both thought wrong."

Yes, that just cleared up whatever fear I had about her liking me. She had just admitted it, allowing herself to speak it all first. Wasn't the guy suppose to speak his mind first? The world was changing. I only smiled, putting our foreheads together. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that from your lips." I answered her, letting my lips move to press against hers. While I was kissing, my body had other plans. My hands slid down from her face to glide down all the way to her waist, then slipping them down to rest them on her ass, smiling a bit as I deepened the kiss, letting my lips linger longer, pulling at her bottom lip in both of mine, While my body pushed her up against the wall.

"I love you too..." -- "I...you dont know about my past, I dont talk about it, not even Darya knows...i-im not good, Ethan..."

I had let her pull away from the kiss, gently touching her face, moving hair out of her face, moving her face so her eyes met mine. I wanted to comfort her right then, I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her close to me, kissing the top of her head, rubbing her arms, comforting her in any way I could to make her forget all that has happened, think about the here and now, not that past.

"I dont deserve this...You, none of it...I'm bad for everyone." -- "My um...my dad died when I was a kid...my mother blamed me, said I was bad luck...she---" -- "My mother abandoned me, left me with a caretaker and her family....after my caretakers husband vanished, they sent me here, told me I was nothing but bad news, that I brought only pain and misfortune everywhere I go...they told me I was a bad omen...I believed them..."

I only shook my head, pulling her away from me to look her in the eyes. I shook my head. "None of that matters to me Iva. I love you for who you are now. Please, forget all of that in the past. Spend your time in the present and future, well, more of the right now." I chuckled a bit, kissing her forehead. "Every thing's going to be ok." I assured her. She may think she doesn't deserve me, but she was dead wrong. She was my everything now. Something that was once a friendship is now something more, probably much more. I loved her, and that was all that mattered to me.

"I'm sorry...I'm rambling...just forget it um...I- I don't um...I-I'm sorry. I don't know why I brought that up, I'm stupid..."

I only shook my own head, kissing her lightly. "It was something you needed to express, I understand. I want you to know, if you ever need someone there by your side, or even a shoulder to cry on, I'm always there for you, not matter what. I smiled. I pulled her into a kiss again, letting my lips search for hers, letting them satisfy my hunger for the taste of hers, loving her every more than forever.

Tag: Ivanka Udinov
Words: 920
Notes: Wrote it on the road

[Ivanka Udinov]

I spoke but I didnt hear any of the words that left my mouth, I had drowned out my own voice for fear of hearing how pitiful I sounded. I imagined my voice had cracked several times as I spoke because my eyes were wet with tears I knew I was holding back. I couldnt cry, not in front of him. I didnt like to show how sad I as though at times I knew my eyes gave me away. After so many years of hiding my emotions or hiding away from people getting too close, I could not train my eyes to stop showing such emotion. There was no possible way I could stop my eyes from watering, stop the tears that had formed in the corners of my light blue irises.

I smiled a bit. He was always comforting, always there when I needed him. I knew I could count on him for anything and everything, whenever I needed him he was there and it was nice but at the same time it made me feel helpless. Like I was incapable of taking care of myself.

He kissed me again and I let my eyes close, nipoping teasingly at his lip "Hmm..." I felt his hands moving down my body and I felt my breath cut in my throat. His hands were soft, he held me firm yet gentle. It was a good feeling.
When his hands reached my ass, a soft gasp escaped my lips and I moved my body closer to his, pressing against him and deepened the kiss "Ethan..." began, feeling him push me against a wall. I opened my eyes lightly and stared sadly at him just as I pulled away, shaking my head a bit.

I didnt want him to hold me just yet, I didnt want him to hug me or kiss me...I just wanted him to tell me that I was right to believe them, that I was nothing more than a silly blond who brought nothing but misfortune to the people I care about. I wanted him to say no one could ever love me because I wasnt worth it, I was bad luck, a bad omen...instead I felt hishands grab my face, making me look at him. My blue eyes, sadden and hurt staring back into his...I shook my head, trying to free myself from his hands but he'd wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to his chest.
His lips touched my forehead and I heard myself mutter the words "Dont...please dont..." as I tried hard to fight off my own sadness.

He didnt seem to care about what happened in my past, he only cared about making me smile and making me happy again. I could tell he loved me...in that moment he showed more love for me than anyone had ever showed me my entire life.

Again he made me look at him and I heard him speaking. His words were sincere, telling me the past didnt matter. I half smiled and nodded my head, raising one hand to wipe under my eyes and sniffled a bit. He didnt know it but him saying he loved me meant more to me than anything "I love you..." I mumbled, kissing his cheek and nodded once more "Forgetting the past isnt really easy, I can try..." I said truthfully, knowing it was the truth.
"Focusing on the right now...that is something I can do..." I smiled more when I heard him telling me everything was going to be okay. Those few words made all the difference. I believed him or at least I wanted to believe him "I knoiw everythings going to be okay. I have you..." I spoke, putting a hand against his cheek.

He kissed me again and I reciprocated, half chuckling and then bit my lip "You really are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Your just...the most amazing person ever. Thank you..." I smiled when he did and pressed my lips lightly against his and deepened it quickly, pushing my tongue gently into his mouth, tasting as muchof him I could.
I pushed myself back against the wall, grabbing him lightly by the hands and placed both hands on my hips, smirking as I pulled away from the kiss and looked at him teasingly and with happy eyes "We're gonna turn alot of heads, you and I...I dont think people approve of this..." I snickered, kising him again.

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: lol, yay for posty!

[Ethan Wate]

words: 833 ~ tag: ivanka udinov ~ muse: good

Having someone to love, was the best thing in the world, besides eating. I was a guy, we thought of food and chicks. We couldn't help it, the thoughts ran through our minds as we gazed upon them. Could you blame me? She was the best site in the world according to my eyes. The way her eyes looked, showing what ever emotion that was surging through her body, but still hiding that sadness underneath. The way her lips curved in that cute way of hers. Letting people know she was either happy or sad. I personally loved her best when she was happy, it made life that much easier. Let me know nothing, and no one, has hurt her, caused that sadness to surface. No one would be able to pull her off. No one was as sweet and kind as her. The way she sweet talked anyone, never coming off as bitch in any way at all. Always so sweet. всегда так сладко.

Even with having to worry about Strigoi, after this academy finally sets us free, I still couldn't imagine not spending my time with this woman. The one who sets my heart on a three mile race, causing my throat to get blocked when I go to speak with her. This girl made my body do crazy things. I still couldn't even think about life without her, even if we only had sex one time. If it came to that, and I ended up losing her, I don't know what I would do. Knowing her most of my life, becoming friends her first day. The way I felt when I first started talking to her. It was then that I knew, with all my being, that she was the one, just not sure if she felt the same way - causing my heart to ache every time I would set my eyes on her. всегда так сладко.

I allowed my hands to rest on her hips, letting her control at least something in this action. I was not the only one in control. Hearing her utter my name as I pressed her against the wall. Ethan... The way she said it made my hormones enrage. It was something I never felt often anymore. Actually, never even with my old girl friends really, it was more of just an act. Something to make them think I was really getting a hard-on. All just an act, 'tis all it was, a harmless act. With her, no, not an act but a real love. One that ran deep without my blood and guts, one that pierced my heart and made it feel as if it shouldn't belong to me, but her. Nothing could compare to how she made me feel.

"Don't...please don't..."

My kissing must have caused some sadness in her, I could feel it through our lips. The way they slowed and pulled away. Twisting her hair lightly in my hands as I pulled her face closer, kissing her deeply, not allowing any sadness to be left in her mood. I couldn't have her upset, it traveled to me, caused me to feel distress and depression. No one ever wanted that clouding their moods, causing them to have a bad day. No, I couldn't let that happen. I let my hands slide down her hip more, beginning to lift her leg around my waist teasingly. Just hearing that she loved me was more than I could stand. It sent chills through my body, making me smile as I kissed her back, feeling her pull at my lip gently.

"Forgetting the past isn't really easy, I can try..."

I pulled away, pulling at her lip, kissing her lips lightly. "And that's all I can ask." I muttered in her ear before pushing her against the wall more, kissing her deeply, feeling that tongue enter my mouth, tasting me, getting every feel it could before it would have to disappear for a while. I let mine press against hers as well, battling against it, slipping it into her mouth. My hormones taking over at this point, leaving me no choice but to give into her wishes, allowing her to make the next moves.

"We're gonna turn alot of heads, you and I...I dont think people approve of this..."

I pulled away, looking around a bit, my eyes training back on her."I don't see anyone around, do you?" I raised a brow smiling a bit as I kissed her deeply, letting my tongue trace along her lips, tasting her, getting everything in before we had to head out, and separate. That was something I didn't want to do. "всегда так сладко." I muttered in Russian.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Ivanka Udinov]

I smiled a bit, wondering what he was thinking. He always seemed to look at me with eyes that seemed to see right through me. See through me and peer into the very depths of my souls. His eyes were always filled with strong emotion. They were deep, so much so that I often thought I could get lost in his eyes. I never trully understood what someone meant by the phrase 'Take my breath away' but now...with the way he looked at me, the way he smiled and the way he loved me and only me...Now, I understood the meaning of that saying. It was meant to be said in moments like these, the moment where your heart beats fast and slow, seeming to skip a few beats, when you intertwine your fingers with the fingers of the one you love so much...moments that, like this one, you wish would never ever end. Нескончаемой любви...Endless love. This was a love for the ages, one that would never end. One that couldnt end because there was no end in sight. This love would last forever. I couldnt live without him, I couldnt live in a world where he didnt exist and I knew he felt the same way about me.

I had known Ethan for so long and yet I never truly saw him. He was always just my friend, the one who I went to when I sad or when I was having a bad day. I relied on him for everything. In many ways he was my greatest strength and in other ways he was also my biggest weakness. I knew tha as long as we were together nothing could come between us but I also knew that life would be dangerous for him. Especially after graduation. When my life would truly be in his hands and he would be the one fighting to keep me safe. The thought occurred to me then, I didnt want him to fight for me...I didnt want him to risk his life for my own. My life meant nothing if he died. I realized then that I wanted to fight with him. I didnt want to hide behind a guardian like other Moroi did. No, I wanted to...I needed to fight with him.

I hated to bring an end to this moment. I really did but I had already uttered those words and I had already pulled away but I felt it...the pull he had on me, the hold he had on my heart and my soul.
His hand tangled into my hair and I had to breath a few times before his lips found their way to mine again.I felt such a strong passion in this kiss, such a strong emotional pull. My legs felt like jelly, my heart pounding so fast it almost ached. I allowed myself a moment to deepen the kiss, a small smile tugging the corners of my lips. I was so careful not to use my fangs as I ipped lightly on his lips, knowing that even the smalled of bites, the tiniest prick from my fangs would release endorphines. I was even more careful to not even show my fangs. I was careful to hide them, even as we kissed.

With one leg around his waist, my knee length skirt lifted a bit and I found myself pulling back from the kiss to look up at him with wide blue eyes. Slowly and teasingly I moved my hips, grinding very lightly against him before our lips met again, this time our tongues wrestled. I knew he was giving me full control of how this all turned out and I smiled inwardly.
He spoke again and I chuckled lightly "No...no one around...No one but you..." I muttered and kissed him more, deeper and with alot more passion. My lips moved eagerly against his and slowly I began to undo the top three buttons of his shirt, smiling when I hear him mutter something in Russian. I smiled, obviously knowing what he'd said. Russian was -is my native tongue. My first language. I'd been born in Russian and both my parents were Russian as well "Always sweet, huh?..." I questioned, smiling and then realized it was almost time for them to leave, we couldnt stay here forever.

I frowned "Come to my room with me...I snuck in some vodka last sunday when I got permission to go shopping. Your not a guardian yet...your entitled to a bit of fun...one drink and then we can watch a movie...please?"

Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: lol, yay for posty!

[Ethan Wate]

Life wasn't about getting to the finish line first, it was about enjoying life as it went. You couldn't skip through everything and not enjoy it, cause it wouldn't last for long. Nothing lasts very long, no matter how hard someone tries to prove it. Everything disappears, enjoy it while it lasts. Love was the same thing. You have to love at least someone in life. God was the most reasonable person to love, some don't even love him or know who he is at all, which is sad. Loving someone was like having a soul mate. Someone who will always be there for you in times of need. Nothing could stop you from being with them, except for when they are gone forever.

Kissing was a way of showing the love for the one your with. The way they kiss back matters the most. If they resist and walk away, they probably either aren't ready, or don't love you quite that way yet, or even at all. It's always sad when that happens to someone. I've even had it happen to me. Kissing someone who loves you back though, that's another matter to attend to. When they kiss you back you feel that feeling of electricity flow through your body, shocking all your nerves and setting them on fire. It is what jump starts your body and gets you pumped and going. Of coarse, this was the first time I've ever felt a kiss do this to me. I may be repeating myself, but this is all true, or well, what I think is true.

The way she kissed me, with that hunger and passion. The way she pulls herself closer to me with each small breath we have taken, only to press our lips right back together again, starting the process all over again. Feeling her in my arms is something I enjoy often now. I don't think we've ever really kissed, at all. It was a beautiful first kiss, everything going right and smoothly, nothing to worry about, except for the occasional teacher passing by and scolding us, which didn't even seem to happen, thankfully.

I had a pull on her, always getting her to bend and shape to me. The way she just couldn't resit my lips, the way they crushed down on hers with passion and urgency, almost like this would be our last and final kiss. I had her formed to me, and no one else could change her. My heart was hers, as hers was mine now. We owned each other, never letting anyone take that way from us, for it would certainly ruin us, and our hearts.

With her one leg wrapped around my waist, I slid down to lift her up, pressing her against the wall, letting the other leg wrap around me as I grinded against her lightly. My lips crushing against hers. My hand tangled in her hair to keep us from pulling too far apart, which would tear my heart along with it. The way she was making me feel, alive, electrified, and even opening all my senses to everything around me, it all focusing back on her. The one and only love I would have in my life would be her, and no one else. No one could take her from me, and I wouldn't let them.

"No...no one around...No one but you..."

She spoke, those words coming out as nothing but a gasp as she breathes for air, only to crush her lips back against mine. My throat filling with a slight chuckle as I recalled what she had said. No one was around, but that did not mean we were not being watched closely, by at least someone around this school. Someone was watching us, may it be a teacher who didn't care, or a moroi ready to spread a rumor. Either or, our relationship would get out eventually. "And your here as well, which fills my heart with joy." I answered back, pulling away slightly to kiss her forehead, trailing those kisses back down to her lips, with my hand bending her neck back, my lips kissing down her neck.

Yes, I have to admit, this was a bit graphic for the little ones, but I just had to let it out, let all the feelings I have for her out and into this kiss. You never know which kiss could be your last. It was something to always consider when enjoying your life. Make sure that when you are enjoying it, you keep that in mind. It was something I never thought of until now, finally being able to tell her how much she means to me, show her how much she means to me, just through one single first kiss. That was all I needed. My lips trailing back up to hers, pulling at the bottom lip of hers.

"Always sweet, huh?..."

Hearing her speak those words were what made a chuckled escape my lips. So she was paying attention in class, that was a good thing. I wasn't testing to make sure she was paying attention, I could care less really, I just am glad she understood what I said, it would make talking while kissing seem that much sexier. "Yes, always, that is if your not in one of your moods." I joked, smiling as I pressed my lips against hers again, letting them move on their own, kissing her deeply, my tongue gliding into her mouth.

"Come to my room with me...I snuck in some vodka last sunday when I got permission to go shopping. Your not a guardian yet...your entitled to a bit of fun...one drink and then we can watch a movie...please?"

I pulled away, startled and stunned at her behavior. Shaking my head, a slight smile on my lips. "Darya snuck it in didn't she?" I questioned, chuckling a bit as I let her slide down, taking her hands and kissing her deeply and passionately once before smiling, pushing a hair behind her ear, kissing the tip of her nose before wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. "Sure, why not? But we are not going overboard." I replied, giving her a look that could end up scolding her later.

words: 1087
tag: ivanka udinov
muse: GREAT!
thoughts: woot! over 1000 words! that's a first after not posting for a while! lol don't feel you have to post back with a lot lol but it is easier to reply to lol

[Ivanka Udinov]

I had only a few good memories in my entire life. The day I met Ethan, the day I told Darya she was my best friend, the day I met Nate and now. The day I told Ethan that I loved him..Though of those few, this one would be the best of the best. A dream come true. He held me perfectly, I fit flawlessly and effortlessly in his arms, like I was the missing puzle piece he'd been searching for. We just fit so well, it was almost too good to be true.

His lips were gentle but eager against mine. Hot passion ignited in his kiss and I could only imagine how my kissing him back felt for him. My lips tingled and my face was a light pink. We must not have been breathing very well because I was short of cbreath and my heart was racing, pounding against my chest.

I felt his arms holding me firmly in place, hoisting me up against the wall and then, with both my legs around his waist, he grinded against me, I let out a very low moan "Hmm..." the skirt i'd been wearing had risen pass my thighs and as I grinded back, it went even higher. I didnt care, I was enjoying myself far too much.

"Ethan...hmm."

I closed my my eyes, imagiing us together, laying together in bed. I imagined how it would feel, what it ould be like and then I felt it. His li[ed trailing down to my neck. I heard him speaking but I was too distracted to care. I was so happy just to be in this moment and when I felt a small wet sensation between my legs, I was curious...i'd never been in this situatio before, it was such a turn on "ethan, I......w-we really should...s-stop...a-at least for now." I spoke, wondering if he knew how I was feeling right now.

I snickered at his joke and smacked his shoulder lightly before my lips found his again. This time his tongue pushed into my mouth and I lost track of time. I battled his tongue with mine, nipping playfully and carefully at his tongue, not using her fangs...

[b["Nope. I snuck it in. Even im allowed a little pick me up dirnk once in a while. It keeps me sane."

[/b] I answered,smiling a bit as I felt him release me from the wall, m feet touched ground and I smiled, blushing as I fixed my skirt, kissing him back once more "I promise we wont go overboard. This is me we're talking about. When do I go overboard?"

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/left]Tag:Ethan
Outfit:Clickky
Notes: lol, yay for posty![/size][/center]

[Ethan Wate]

Was it the right thing, to be with someone you know will have a relationship that will not even last very long? Was it right to push the relationship further into being when you know it will not come to anything better than just friendship. Why push it even further, when the feelings can not come outwith other people knowing and spreading rumors. I could not answer any of these questions, for I only experienced it now. This relationship I was in, it would need work in order to stay together. No matter how hard we fight to be together, we both know no family will come of it. Both knowing we would have to split once the time comes to create a family. dhampir men, like myself, can not reproduce little offspring. It was unheard of. Somehow it makes you wonder who could it be this way.

The light in the sky was dimming, causing the tunnel to go darker with each passing minute. You could almost see how it grows darker and darker, every moment a memory in that sunlight. Sure we went on a different schedule, but we could still see a sun set. I just wished I could take Ivanka out in the sun, and she won't feel discomfort by it, causing her to shield away from it. The sun was a beautiful sight to see. One of these days I would take her to the rooftops and allow her to watch the sun as it sets down, disappearing into the night, only for it to reappear in the next set of hours.

"Ethan, I......w-we really should...s-stop...a-at least for now."

I smiled through the kiss, chuckling a bit as I pulled back to look at her, kissing her forehead lightly. "Alright, if you really want too." I smiled, searching her eyes. I kissed her lightly once more before setting her down on her feet, my hands still holding her's. I gazed at her, drinking her in. Letting that smile stay in my mind, letting it warm my heart, just seeing her happy made me happy.

"Nope. I snuck it in. Even im allowed a little pick me up dirnk once in a while. It keeps me sane."

I eyed her, frowning, but chuckled. "One little drink couldn't hurt, but only you and I. I do not want to have to watch over you the whole time." I gave her a sly smile and kissed the tip of her nose. I knew this moment would be good. I took her one hand and led her to the doors, holding it tight, getting a feel for it, seeing as she'll be around for a while.

"I promise we wont go overboard. This is me we're talking about. When do I go overboard?"

I laughed out loud, seeing a few pair of eyes looking at us, going wide a tiny bit. I only smiled at her, holding her closer as we walked. "As long as Darya doesn't show up." I joked, kissing her lightly.

words: 525
muse: horrible!
thoughts: should we end it soon? I'm kind losing interest, sorry